Dealing With Losing

I would say that I often lose more than I win. I'm not a loser, but I'm also not at the top of anything. It's actually kind of a nice place to be. I usually find that if I am the best at something, (usually only video games) and someone comes and seriously challenges me I can get really frustrated. If I'm only mediocre at something I can lose and usually still feel good about it. For that reason I am very glad that I don't excel at too many competitive things. Two examples from today. I was playing video games with my brother and was losing most of the time. I was getting kind of angry, though nothing serious. It was just while playing the game that I would get incredibly frustrated. It was surprising how quickly I would not care again once the game was over but how soon that same frustration would be rekindled immediately into the next game. Tonight playing dodgeball was not as bad because I know I am bad at the game. I would put on my game face while playing but as soon as I got hit I couldn't help but smile and laugh. Even when I got smoked in the neck 2 seconds into one game. I didn't have high expectations for myself and so I never got too upset about losing. I guess it's bad to have low expectations but on the other hand it makes life so much more pleasant. I think the trick is definitely finding a balance. I'm not sure exactly what I'm trying to say. I would say that overall I am a bad loser but my reaction is always mild and I end up not caring fairly soon after.

I've decided I should probably start a list of things for myself. If I'm going to get stuff done it is a good way to keep track of it. Maybe I'll start the list tomorrow.

I noticed today that another one of my videos was taken from archive.org and uploaded to youtube. I guess it's totally fair because I licenced them to be free to use with crediting me, which was done. It's just kind of annoying that someone else takes a video I made and posts it up and gets credit for the movie, even with my name attached to it. The movie had more hits than most of my youtube stuff combined. I should try to capitalize on that popularity but I'm not sure how to yet. I don't want to be an ass and complain about people taking my stuff because that's not the issue but there has to be a way that I can get more attention for myself. Having an audience is never a bad thing.

Days Like This

They make it difficult to write things everyday. If I'm writing down as much as I can think of each day at the time of writing it doesn't leave much carry over to the next day. This means that I usually need some kind of new provocation for ideas before I find something to write. When nothing really happens during the day there is very little material to work with for writing. I'm not saying that I don't have any more things to say, I'm saying that when I sit down for these 5-15 minutes to write I don't always have prepared what I want to say. The worst part is probably knowing that I have a bunch of things that I want to write down but just can't remember them.

I guess I don't need to worry about it too much because no one checks here regularly so I can have days without anything too interesting and no one will be terribly disappointed.

I've been sitting here a while now trying to think of something and I've got nothing. Today wasn't a bad day, but it was relatively uneventful and I'm afraid I didn't leave the house. I wish I had now. I'm just going to call it a post and apologize for the sorry excuse.

Changing My Viewing Experience

I watched star wars: a new hope tonight, and I have to say I did not enjoy it as much as I normally do. I think my main problem with it was that everything was pretty under control and almost all the dialogue and events were feeding directly into the story. I kept looking out for pointless or unplanned moments but there were hardly any. The movie was just so straight forward. My favorite new line in the movie is when one stormtrooper is talking to another one while Obi Wan is walking by. Their discussion goes something like this:

"You seen that new VT-16?"

"Yeah. Some of the other guys were telling me about it. They say it's quite a thing to see."

I thought it was a really funny line because it seemed so unmotivated by the story. I also liked that it wasn't a funny line but simply by existing through its randomness it was funny. Of the past few movies that I have watched, my favorite parts have all been similar moments. Just small interactions between characters that seem genuine but unnecessary to the plot.

I had a couple ideas for some short videos. They are actually more like production techniques that could be used for more than one project.

The first one was shooting several friends, (or strangers if possible), and focusing on their actions and facial expressions. Then during editing all the audio would be re-recorded, including all the dialogue using brand new lines that may have not been used at all in the original. Sound effects could also be added to change the original feel of the moment. I think it would be fun to transform a casual conversation into something really serious or vice versa.

The other idea was basically the opposite. Record a conversation between some people. Then shoot new footage to add to the sound. The actors would have to learn the lines and remember the pacing but it would maintain the spontenaity of the original conversation. The scene could also be staged very effectively to enhance the original sound recording. In my opinion, the funniest things said aren't always meant to be funny. I think scripts often don't leave room for the way people talk normally.

I re-enacted the 'bet you can't laugh without smiling' video today with a friend that hadn't seen or heard of it. He actually played the part of the second guy really well, only he completely lost it when I started laughing without smiling. There were actually four of us in a car at the time and we were all laughing super hard. For me, the whole thing was at least as funny as the original video. I want to talk to more friends now that haven't seen the video yet.

Overwhelmed by the Beauty of Life

It happened to me today. I have been having such a great week and have been laughing all the time. Today I went out to wait for the bus. I was standing under a tree because it was raining. Then I coughed and the guy sitting under the bus shelter looked out at me. He told me to come and sit down. I didn't want to be anti-social so I went and sat next to him. He started talking to me and forever changed my life. He really liked to talk so I mostly just listened. His conversation ranged from topics on encounters with famous people to food to human behavior. Some of the things he said struck me as really meaningful things. He really felt strongly about the importance of human interaction and caring for each other. Twice during his talking I started to tear up slightly but managed to hold back because really didn't want to cry in front of him. Then he got off the bus and I lost it. I cried on the skytrain and on the next bus. I could not stop. I tried really hard. I was in a state of carefree bliss. I actually tried to think of depressing things so that I didn't feel so happy because it was being so happy that was making me cry I think. It didn't work because everything I could think of seemed so beautiful still. The music on my ipod was also not helping because it was so great. It was a crazy experience that I have never had before. I eventually got over it, but I think its effects could be long lasting.

Slowly Figuring It Out

I think making my latest video has changed the way I am thinking about making movies. I also think that I'm getting more from watching other films as a result. I'm getting really excited about the whole thing. I've been talking to people about my ideas and I think I should write down what I have. Here is a list of things that I now think about making videos:

- Stories are not important. Things should probably happen, but I definitely don't think it is necessary to have a specific end point for a movie.

- Events do not need to make any sense. Events in real life do not make any sense, so I think it's only fair that a video is allowed to reflect this.

- Continuity is a convention that should be broken. Why not? Using cuts is a great reason to change anything in a scene at every available opportunity.

- Identifying the fact that everything is staged and jumping in and out of different planes of fiction is fun. A movie shouldn't need to be confined by any particular idea of reality.

- Sound has no obligation whatsoever to follow the image. Recording all the audio separately and after shooting allows for many more options assembling a soundtrack.

I don't think these ideas should apply to every movie, and I am glad that they don't. These are merely ideas that I am very interested in following with my own work. I could change my mind later, but right now I think this is what I want I do.

The Ideal People

The ideal people in my opinion are those that do everything in their power to make everyone around them happy. It isn't an easy thing to do, and also seems daunting because strangers can be so difficult to please. My bus driver this morning was certainly trying his best to be an ideal person. It was about 8:30 and I got on the granville bus at howe and dunsmuir. I notice getting on that there are a bunch of chocolate bars hanging over the ticket dispenser. I'm wondering why they are there, and whether they are for anyone because it would be a bad place for the driver to store his private stash. The bus leaves the stop and shortly after a thick eastern European accent can be heard over the intercom. The driver introduces himself and states that he wants to put a smile on everyone's face before they head in to work or wherever it is that people are headed. It's like a gameshow. He says that at that time, on that bus every weekday it is trivia time. He says that the winner of each question will be able to come up and take a chocolate bar. I can't help grinning non-stop, especially watching a few other people on the bus unable to contain their enjoyment of the whole scene. He pops the first question, "When was the washing machine invented?" I think the answer turned out to be 1915 but unfortunately I had to get off the bus because it was my stop so I never really found out. But the good had been done. I left that bus feeling great. If everyone was such a fun-loving human being like this bus driver imagine how much more incredible life would be! I think more importance should be placed on being super sweet like that.

I saw a baby wearing sun goggles. I don't think I've ever seen that before, either a baby wearing shades or sun goggles. I think it's a good idea. Babies eyes need to be protected from the sun but they can't wear sunglasses because their faces are so small and they are likely to fall off. Sun goggles cover every opening to the eye and also wrap around the back of the head to ensure they stay on. My only concern would be if it was too tight it could be bad for the baby's soft head, but the baby looked pretty rad. Now that I think about it the baby looked kind of like a baby Vin Diesel in Pitch Black.

I haven't had any memorable dreams the past few days but I had a bunch last night. Some I have more details for than others.

I think my dad drives me and my brother and maybe a few other people out to some remote location in the interior. He sends us out and leaves. It's kind of like camping only we don't have anything and we are supposed to make our way home over the next few days. Somehow it is a really enjoyable experience and we are having a great time in some swamp. I think the dream was inspired by the movie 'Into the Wild' which I saw recently. I guess we got back home again and then I was telling my friends about what we did and I'm trying to plan another trip for the following weekend because it was so much fun. I don't know what we did for food but I recall that everything was problem free.

Another dream, Will Smith is my gym teacher. I'm not sure if he was my actual gym teacher or if we were in a movie and he was playing my gym teacher. He was a really inspiring, playing a never-give-up character.

This next dream was pretty bizarre. I am standing around on the street in the city and suddenly I see a huge space shuttle type thing fly over head and disappear in the distance. I remember that it is the second or third year anniversary for some kind of shuttle crash that happened right there. I'm not sure why I saw something if it was an anniversary but I did. In fact I saw it at least once more. I texted a friend and asked him if he had seen it too because it was great and it was done every year or something. I think I was also asking him if he wanted to celebrate the anniversary or something. Shortly after that I decide that it is actually supposed to be a plane, not a shuttle that flies overhead and so a plane flies spiraling overhead. Then it becomes like a video that I am editing and I am moving the time line forward and backward observing how cool the plane looks when it is spinning so low to the ground totally out of control. I also notice smaller details like a car that gets thrown by shock wave off of the road. I don't really know what was going on but the images were amazing.

I have a bike and I need to bike home but the tire is flat. There are several other people around with bikes so I figure they must have a pump or something. There is a girl with a french name and though she speaks english I think it is imperative that I address her in french. I say, "As-tu l'air?". I am really hesitant on the air part because I can't for the life of me remember what air is in french. It is really embarrassing for me. She doesn't care about that but she gives me a pump for the bike. I try to hook up the pump to the tire but it just keeps leaking out the side. I need help. Then Heather Graham, (who had been in the brief bit of Arrested Development that I saw the day before), is my assistant or something. Also the bike is now a couch but the legs still need inflating. With the help of the girl with the french name and Heather Graham we re-inflate these legs and fix it up. I don't know why I needed to fix the couch because it was no longer useful for getting home with but that is where the dream ended I think.

Strange dreams with random cameos by Will Smith and Heather Graham. Looking back, what a hilarious series of events.

Down To It

Today is a very disappointing day. I could be playing awesome pranks on all of my friends, but instead I have a science project to do. I've been putting it off for way too long and this is my last day so I don't really have any options. Handing it in late would only be giving in to my procrastination. My day is decided. Better luck next year.

Also, I realize that anything I write here may not be taken seriously today so I'm just going to end it now. If I feel like it I may come back and add more later, but I doubt that.